EP 74. Seasons of Doubt: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

Join us for our first episode of 2024, where we talk openly about imposter syndrome. We share our own experiences, from trying to fit into artistic expectations to doubting ourselves in podcasting. We discuss how comparing ourselves to others and caring too much about what people think can make us feel like we're not good enough. But don't worry, it's not all gloomy – we also share practical tips on how to feel more confident. We talk about the importance of reflecting on our achievements every day and finding joy in what really matters to us. This conversation is a friendly reminder to be yourself, face your fears, and know your own worth. Tune in for an encouraging chat that speaks to anyone dealing with self-doubt or looking for motivation in their journey.

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Transcript

Welcome to Behind the Lava Lava, the podcast that takes you behind the scenes of the vibrant people and cultures of the Pacific. This episode is brought to you by Matai, a luxury timepiece brand that embodies the essence of the Pacific islands. I'm your host, Michael Tan, and I'm joined today by my co host Milford and Spencer.

Before we get started, a quick reminder to our listeners to follow, subscribe and leave a review if you enjoy the show. Now let's jump right into it.  Today's topic, we will be talking about imposter  syndrome. So imposter syndrome happens to most people, probably all of us. So this is a psychological occurrence that happens when  people start to doubt their skills, their talents, and, or, and their accomplishments.

And you start to internalize  your, your fear of being. Exposed as a fraud or something along that lines. So I'm gonna put it out to the cast. What do you guys think what imposter syndrome means? 



Well, you know, it's kind of in the name, you know, like, you know, I'm no expert about anything, but you know, the first time I heard about it, I was like, man, you know, I think I got that, you know, and I'm not, I'm not like a hypochondriac where like, you know, people talk about, you know, symptoms of mental or physical.

Like issues and I'm like, oh, that's me. That's me. I'm not like that at all. I'm actually pretty skeptical, but I was like, yeah, imposter syndrome  is,  uh, you hear that? I'm like, yeah, I don't know. That sounds like something relatable right off the bat. Uh, so like, I, I mainly would think of this in terms of. Me trying to build an art career, find my place as an artist, you know, because  sometimes I feel like, uh,  you know, I try to  check too many boxes, you know, I've said it before where I'm, I figured out way too late in life that I'm pretty bad at multitasking.

And then as a army reservist, it's like, okay, well, that's 1 of my tasks. And then I've got my civilian job that actually pays the bills. That's another task. And then I've got my. Duties as a family member, then like, Oh, and I'm trying to do be an artist here, you know, and you get online and you see all these successful artists that are killing it with their career, making money off of commissions or getting jobs in studios.

And I'm like, Oh yeah, I'm not really on that level or I'm not really getting to there, you know? And  yeah, it's just something that would kind of like, Hit me where I'm like, man, I think this ship has sailed, you know, like, I don't know why I'm even trying to do this, you know, and not to like say that I gave into it, but it's like, I've kind of readjusted my goals, you know, for this new year, I'm trying to take opportunities that are more within my reach, but  it's not so much because I was giving into imposter syndrome is more like I kind of reevaluated what's most important to me in my life.

And it's like, well, you know what? I'll never put down the pen. I'll always draw. Yeah. I love to do that. I'm actually pretty confident, confident in my skills, but,   in fact, by kind of reevaluating my life and deciding not to pursue an art career and base  this idea of success for myself on solely where I fit in that realm by reevaluating that I've kind of alleviated myself of that, where it's like, Oh, you know what? 

I'm more confident than ever in my skills as an artist, but it feels nice to be kind of be free of the pressure of,  uh, Hinging everything on whether or not I do it for a living, you know what I mean? But, um, yeah, like the art realm, I definitely get felt that. The most pertinently,  uh, that's me.  Well, UT, how would you explain it in simple terms? 

Get over yourself. Ha  ha.  No, uh, I don't think about the term often.  , for the most part, like, you know, aside from people who actually go through it.  And then I think at some point, there's some people who think  they're feeling it, but there's,  um,  there's people that's actually going through it. And then  there's people who are worried about it because. 

They're not actually, you know, doing what they're supposed to in whatever realm they're cutting corners and they're, they're getting praise and credit.  And those are people I think that, uh, like  worry about it in the false sense. I don't know if I'm explaining that right, but it's not a term that I think of. 

So Imposter Syndrome  is one thing that I strongly struggle with,  um, ever since we've picked up  podcasting, mainly because  when I see other people podcasting, I kind of compare  myself to, to the content that they're putting out.  And I, it's a whole bunch of. Bunch of a self doubt that constantly hits me am I am I good enough to to be?

Continuously  doing this am I good enough to continue? podcasting so  It  so for every episode. I'm always anxious  Especially when we have a guest, I'm always anxious to, to interview guests.  It's because  I don't know where it's, it's, it comes from, but,  uh, I always think that I'm not good enough to be on the level of the guests, especially if, if we interview someone who has a lot of influence or,  or someone we place on that celebrity status. 

 We're going on to our second year of podcasting and I, I still struggle with  imposter syndrome mainly because,  um,  of what I see, uh, I, I'm always comparing  our platform to other platforms, even though in my mind I tell us that  what we do is different from what other people do. We're not the same. Uh, our circumstances, our,  uh,  the individuals hold, uh, every, everything.

Around surrounding our podcast is not the same as what other people put out, but  it's,  I don't know, it's, it's very difficult to, for me to, to describe  how I feel, , experiencing imposter syndrome.  So I hope that makes sense, uh, because.  It's, it's basically,  what am I trying to say? It's basically just  it's not, it's feeling that you're not worthy of,   the attention, the, the praises that people are giving you,  even though you've done a lot,   especially for our platform, we've done a lot, um, for, for this.  Almost two years. We've done a lot for a platform, but it still feels like we're still the underdogs.

We're still amateurs. So that's how I basically feel. Every time I interview people, 



I feel the same way when it comes to guests coming on a  little bit. You know, I get a bit anxious because I'm like, Oh, man, these people actually agreed to talk to us, you know, knuckleheads.  And that's where we're, we're still humble, you know, and we're still in the beginning stages,  but with you feeling it at times up where you posted that thing, he even told us a little bit about it.

I was,  I was like, man,  you know, nobody knows about all the.  Stress filled weeks and nights you had, you know, not just dealing with the podcast, but  other factors in your life that we may know about, others don't know about, and you know, you work, you earn this, any, any recognition. Like most of the times when people talk about Behind the Lava Lava, I mainly associate that with Michael Tan.

You know, even though it's all of us,  you know, the main person that I'm just putting up there is, is you, because I know  who's doing most of the work, who's out here grinding, who's really earning all these achievements, you know, it's you.  So, you know, when you posted that and told us about it, you know, I wanted to tell you, shut the F up  respectfully, you know, shut the hell up because you've been. 

You know, you've been freaking pulling the hair you don't have out of your head,  you know, you've been,  you've been working on this and cultivating to make sure it stayed alive. Even all the times we didn't record, you know, you're making sure that things are still in alignment now with just us, but sponsors and everybody included in this journey. 

That's all I have to say on that. And you know what they say, comparison  is the thief  of booty.  It's Thief of Joy and hey,  I know I watched a lot of these other Polynesian podcasts too and they are awesome. Like I love freaking Big Body Sisqo, Tossie 1K, you know, all the other guys. They're killing it in their space.

And  like you said, It's different avenues, we're the same people, same bloodline who have understanding in this community, but, you know, I love seeing them do well. I see them growing and I'm loving the topics they're bringing.  I kind of see the same thing for us. Just worry about us and our own and what we're doing. 

I think where my insecurity lies. When it comes to imposter syndrome is remember I told a story of growing up as a child in American Samoa  I was basically a mute. I didn't speak as much  so as I grew up and  went to the adulthood,  I learned to try to speak more often because  in my  youth I didn't speak as much, so  that's where my insecurity comes is, is the way I speak  to, to people.

I, I always feel like I'm  not, I'm inadequate. I'm not enough when it comes to,  to vocabulary. That's why I admire people who can speak and are elaborative  when they, when they speak. Um,  I'm, I try to learn from people who are, who are guest speakers, but.  It's very difficult to like, Spencer is very elaborative when he speaks,  like you can easily describe things and then and talk, but for me,  every time I speak, I hit like a mental block.

It doesn't go beyond a sentence unless I slow down and and really think about what I'm trying to try to say. So that's one of my insecurities is, is just. Talking, talking to people, it's one thing that I lacked growing up was, um,  conversating with, with a lot of people.  Well, and, you know, this is where I just wanted to give like big ups to you because, you know, not to make this all about you and your imposter syndrome, but it is kind of like.

You know, this is why I'm glad that we're talking about this early in this year, you know, kick off the new year with a subject like this because it's kind of taking the podcast back to its roots is, uh, it's kind of the podcast even before I joined is kind of a online therapy session. You know, you need to air out some things, you know, that some people just don't talk about publicly and it's a good thing, but I was had respect for you before I joined the podcast.

So like, Hey, look at Michael. He tells me he's got a fear of. Talking and public speaking and he's facing that head on and inviting people to come listen to him. Talk, you know, like who does that, you know, that's somebody who really wants to face his fears, you know, and I've always had respect for that.

And the thing is, is like, it's a shame though, that, you know, things like imposter syndrome and, you know, these, uh, These mental ticks, like sometimes they really do keep you from seeing what you've accomplished because I was like, when you take a step back and you're like,  it's like, man, you know, is, is this podcast really popping?

Is it really, am I just a pretender here? And it's like,  man, you just interviewed, like within the last year you interviewed, uh, an NFL hall of famer. And not only interviewed him, but had him show up in person to a dinner that  we hosted, you know, and it's like, that's crazy. Like there are very tangible things that you can show and measure to see your success.

And it's one of those things where sometimes I get taken back by this because sometimes I'm like, Oh yeah, you know, this is just a little side project,  uh, that we do sometimes, but  I'll bump into people that. Are familiar with the podcast, you know, and they're like, oh, hey, oh, you're on that. Or it's funny.

Cause I, uh, even when I went back to, , my job at the club, you know, guys knew me, but some of them like how to put, uh, it was, uh, you know, that were there from before I left. But then, um,  there were newer guys I was getting to know and they knew the podcast and they're like, Oh, you're from that, that podcast.

And I was like, and it's not this, uh,  I'm not trying to put this out as like an ego boost. I was like, I was just, it's just one of those things where I'm like, you know, sometimes I lose sight of how many people we've reached or like, we've even had a few guests in the last year where they're like, Oh yeah, we watched the podcast.

I was like, Oh, what really? You know, like I thought it was all like us reaching out like, Hey, we'd be on our podcast, but people are actually like, Hearing about it before we reach out sometimes. And so point is, is that a. You know, this imposter syndrome stuff really can be like the hedges that keep you from seeing the forest, you know, it's like it's you've accomplished a lot built a lot.

And it's a shame that this stuff, uh, you know, kind of holds you back a little bit. But so like, one thing I wanted to touch on real quick too, though, is that.  I don't know if the same goes for any of you guys, but I feel like sometimes I experience this mostly around the fall to this time of year, like it's weird because I don't like self diagnosing stuff.

So I'm just expressing what I genuinely feel in this pattern that I recognize in myself. But, you know, you hear about things like winter depression and, uh, I feel like I get that sometimes because it seems like every year, at least once a year.   I'll get to a point in, you know, usually right before the holidays or something where my anxiety just spikes to where I have trouble sleeping like all this  happy confidence and stuff that I built up during the summer is like gone and I start like feeling like I'm in a.

fog. I start not being able to sleep. You know, like thinking of all the stuff I haven't done or accomplished and things that it's like, dude, you're so far behind. You'll never catch up. Why keep going? It's like, and it's weird because I don't consider myself, I don't like self diagnosing anything. So I'll never express people to people that I have depression or winter depression, but I'm like, okay, I obviously am having issues here where I can't sleep and it's.

A pattern where it spikes in the fall and winter seasons. And so  I don't know if for you, this comes into play, uh, seasonally, but for me, it's like, especially like with this imposter syndrome stuff, like definitely that's the case for me. Yeah, it seems like what you were saying, a winter depression,  uh, because it's mainly during the holidays or during the breaks that we have that I have a hard time trying to bounce back and recover,  , because if we start missing  a month  or, or longer than that, then, then I start to,  then I start to think, you know, a lot of thoughts.

, they come to my mind and I start to think, um,  is our podcast worth, you know, the, these thoughts come to my mind, is, is it worth it to keep going or,  should we take a longer break, you know, or, or is this laziness or,  or is it just like a, some sort of holiday, , fever or something, but I don't know if it happened for our first year,  but I think the first, our first year we were, we didn't take too much breaks, but the second year, uh, we had a lot of, of, of breaks.

We, we didn't record as much as the first year for, for episodes, but. Yeah, it's it's uh,  it's definitely a problem with mindset and How we  try to combat this imposter syndrome So what what do you guys think are some ways that we can  or daily practices and mindset shifts that we can?  Fight off imposter syndromes.

What are some ways if you guys have experienced it  That you guys think work before I get in  or answer your question or not answer your question.  I think it's a good point. You brought up your past that that was one thing I was thinking about,  , is like the why, why would somebody,  you know, feel that was there something in the past and like you expressed, you know, you,  you didn't really converse much with people.

You weren't really social.  Um, I was sort of the opposite.  Like I was quiet and shy at first, and then I became very  obnoxious,  you know, just running my mouth, just saying anything I was trying to,  you know, I was thinking cool was this certain way to act. So I was acting like this dummy thinking I was being cool and  doing the complete, achieving the complete opposite. 

And then I became aware of that and I'm back to being, you know, more reserved and.  But you bring up a good point. Like does  the person's past really, , contribute to why  they feel that  I can't tell you how to combat it  just from my own  sort of philosophy, maybe just daily reflection on  took you to get to whatever point.

You know, the long nights  are long days, the stress, the sickness, you know, the blood, sweat, tears,  constantly reminding yourself that, you know, you work to get to this point. It wasn't just given to you and you are.  You are good enough because nobody can really tell you no, except  of course, maybe some  billionaire or whatever, but nobody can really determine your self worth because it's yours. 

So that's all I got with  imposter syndrome and combating it.  I think, uh, one thing that helps me is, uh.  Just take a step back and focus on what's important, what's most important about this. So like in the case of the podcast, for example, for me, um, you know, it's easier for me to say this because I'm going to be honest.

I've been honest about this before to the listeners, but, , no one puts more work into this. And Michael was like. I,  you know, it's easy for me to be noncommittal because, like, my, I have the easiest job. I just show up and talk sometimes, you know, uh, when it comes to the real grind of, you know, editing, booking guests, you know, like, really doing the.

The hard work Michael does the most and you know, I, I try to throw in where I can, but like, you know,  for me, so anyways, the reason I put that out is because,  , when I think about  the success of the podcast, what does it really mean to me? I'm like, I want it to be successful, but let's say it isn't,  I would still do this.

Why? Because I enjoy doing it. I like meeting up with you guys, you know, chopping it up with you guys is like just a fun activity for me, fun or therapeutic in some ways. And, you know, uh, by doing this podcast, I've made new friends that I didn't have before. , you know, when we got together for the veterans day dinner, I was like, man, I finally got to meet these guys in person.

That was cool. You know? , so regardless of whatever, you know, measures of success others might. Attached to us. I would do it anyways, because to me, I enjoy it. It's something I enjoy doing. And at the end of the day, that's all the motivation I need. You know, let's, uh, but if I apply that to, let's say my imposter syndrome with, like, I started off with with my artwork.

, so like this year, I'm, I've decided to take this opportunity. I was kind of vague about this earlier. I'm taking an opportunity to be a special operations guard at one of the resorts here in Las Vegas, be a full time gig where. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm finally, for the first time in my life, I'm making career money instead of job money, you know what I mean?

And at first I was standoffish on whether or not I would take this job because I was always like, well, but I want to be an artist. I want to be a storyboard artist and this and that. But the thing is, is like the more I worked towards that goal last year, , the less happy I felt doing it. It's like every time I try to make art a career. 

I didn't like it anymore. And so with this imposter syndrome stuff regarding my art, I was like, man, if I was saying I'm giving up on being an artist, I'm like, well, what's most important to me, it's like, do you like doing art? I'm like, yeah.  Um, who do you like doing art for? And what my mind would go to is my nieces and nephews, you know, like this last Christmas, even though I'm a little behind on my deadlines here, uh, my nieces and nephews always hit me up and they're like, they like that.

I draw them pictures for Christmas presents and stuff like that. And I'm like, you know what? That's my, that's my. My fan base right there, like that's all if I never draw for anything professional and I'm only drawing for my nieces and nephews, even that's enough for me because the fact is they enjoy it.

They'll like ask their parents to get to me and say, Hey, can you ask him if he can draw this character for me on my birthday or for Christmas? And I'm like, that means the world to me. And so it's like  coming to terms with like, you know what? I'm not going to pursue I'm Artwork as a career. It was more of like a, you know, one door is closing, but another one's opening kind of thing.

And it's like, I felt very happy because it's like, I'll never stop drawing. I'll, I'll keep being the artist I want to be, but it helped me kind of like. Reassess my goals into a more realistic way into where, you know, ultimately made me feel happy. So that kind of helped me combat it is just focus on what's most important.

And that kind of helped me with that, you know, combat that.  So I'd like to have conversations with  maybe 1 of my co workers because I don't talk to all of them. I only talk to like. Maybe two  and one of them  because I was sharing how I was feeling about the the podcast  and He was saying the same things that you guys were saying about how  how far  I brought the podcast  to to present day and and he reminded me of the why  we basically started a podcast and that was  because of  It started with mental health  and, and I'm glad that we, we, we are tackling this topic mainly because  , it might seem  minor to, to a lot of people, but it's something that can take down  a lot of passions, a lot of. 

 People's desire to keep going on. So I wish, I wish I had someone to just slap me every time I feel this way.  But the good thing is that I have people around me who constantly,  keep me in check, remind me of,  of how,  how basically how I am and how the accomplishments and what's led  things up to, to this far.

So,  

there isn't an advice that I would put out to our listeners about overcoming  imposter syndrome, but to  constantly remind yourself of what you're, you're worth,  , um, no matter the,  the, uh,  The words that are tossed at you or how people look upon you, you  just know that, um, the only person who's going to put you down is yourself.

That's the only person that, that will  like totally affect your wellbeing is your mind, yourself. And, and  you are your, your worst enemy when it comes to  trying to accomplish things. And, you know, there's this brand that looks like a check mark.,  They always tell you to just do it. And that's basically what I, what I do is, especially for a podcast, when I see something and I want it done, I just do it.

Even though I know there are barriers, but barriers are just obstacles  along the way of becoming  great,  you know, like that red guy who wants to make a certain country great again. But.  Do you guys have any last minute thoughts? 

Not on imposter syndrome,  but uh, winter depression that I never heard that, but that makes sense.  Just to touch on it real fast, like, um,  before the holidays, I always get anxious.  Like, uh, I'm excited that, you know, it's this time of joy and love, but at the same time, like, I'm  nervous because it's gonna, you know, only last so long.

At the same time, I think, I fear, like, when I have all this great time and memory.  But then,  you know, who's not going to be here next year.  I mean I think I fear that as well,  but that's all I have.  I just wanted to talk about it real quick since Spencer brought it up. I think it's a real thing for sure.

At least it is for me. You know, like I said, you know, everybody take everything with a grain of salt cause I'm no qualified person to diagnose anything, but I recognize that pattern for me, you know, every time it's like one of my fears, I'm like, crap, is it the time of year where I'm going to be. Not able to sleep.

And I'm going to be like raking over my insecurities in my mind when I'm trying to get some shut eye. , but you know, it comes and it goes and it helps us just kind of deal with it. And, you know, we all need a good friend like T to just kind of tell us to suck it up or slap slap some sense into us. But there is some value to that.

Yeah, I think, uh,  You know, like that's one thing where, you know, us coming from the military background, we come from an environment where  there can't be a such thing as a missed deadline there, like  all these curveballs that thrown your way, you're like, all right, well, you got to do the mission anyways, you know, and part of that really does come down to like, look. 

The neat thing about the constructive thing about that is that,  sometimes you're amazed at what you're able to accomplish that you didn't think you could, but because the military pushed you and yeah, it's a stressful push, but you get past it and you're like, oh. But we did it though. Dang, like in any other environment, we would have said, Oh, that's it can't be done.

You know, it just takes me back to that,  that quote from Henry Ford, where he said, uh, whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right. And so that's like. Why it's such a crucial thing to overcome this imposter syndrome is because if you let those intrusive thoughts win, if you let those toxic thoughts in telling you that you can't do it, can't be done, , that's it.

You've reached your peak. Well, if you really buy into that, then you're going to give validity to those issues. So, allow yourself to take a break, take a step back, take a deep breath, focus on what's important. And then, , step back into the ring and face it head on. And that's all I'd, I'd have to say on that. 

I want to take this opportunity to thank all our listeners, our followers, subscribers,  our sponsors. We want to thank you for supporting us.  Throughout our podcast journey, we truly appreciate each and every one of you. So thank you for tuning into this episode of Behind the Lava Lava. I hope you enjoyed our conversation.

If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to follow, follow our platform, drop a comment, leave us a review. This is Michael Tan and the crew signing off from Behind the Lava Lava. Tovah Soyfua.